Kelly’s Testimony

You Can Be Used for God’s Glory, No Matter What

When I was 19 years old, I got really curious about adult things and found myself hiding a relationship I had. Afterall, the guy was from out of town and was only here for a few short weeks. No one would ever have to know… that’s until I found myself pregnant.

I grew up in a perfect nuclear family. I had a mom and dad who were together until my father passed away in his mid 70’s, a sister, a nice home, a dog, two birds, and lots of friends. We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable and had family camping vacations every year. I never went hungry. My family was quite committed to our church, and I learned a lot about God and the Bible as I grew up. Basically, I knew better than what I became.

What I didn’t seem to understand, no matter what my parents told me, was that God loves me and values me, even when I make mistakes. My grandmother was not as kind and suggested I abort my baby. I knew that my poor decisions were not the baby’s fault and that he was going to be born, as a beloved child of God. I knew I wasn’t quite ready and looked into adoption as an option. When the biological father, whom I barely knew, refused to sign papers to allow an adoption, I knew that as a Christian, I would be a better option for a parent than the father would be. He was a “player” and did not know the Lord at all. That’s when I really started feeling guilty. My sin was obvious, and I felt so alone.

I took excellent care of my baby, dedicated him to the Lord, and raised him to the best of my ability. My parents were very helpful, but I did not expect them to take care of everything. I worked, paid my bills, paid for childcare when the baby could no longer go to work with me, and was very responsible. I even took parenting classes and attended mommy and me classes. At that time I was 20 years old. The other women in the mommy and me classes were obviously judgmental of me. They sneered at me, as they were all in their late 20’s and early 30’s and had husbands. Plus they had nicer diaper bags than me. It sent me further down my path of self-loathing.

Eventually I met a man who was very handsome and took great interest in me. I ignored the red flags of his narcissistic behaviors and accepted his marriage proposal, thinking it would be the best I could get in my circumstance. I stayed married to him for 8 years and had two more children with him. He adopted my son (the biological father didn’t contest this time, as he didn’t want to pay child support), because he loved the appearance of a perfect little family. He just didn’t do anything to support that family. I worked hard and did my best to keep the family together, but I couldn’t’ keep my husband from entertaining other women. Eventually he left me and the children. He has since been married three other times and has fathered two more children (that I know of).

My parents decided to retire from California to Alabama shortly after my divorce, and they offered to have me move as well. My job had ended in California, and I no longer had a marriage. I also found myself sinning again… finding comfort in various men to validate that I was still desirable after my divorce. My ex-husband was perfectly happy to let me and the three children move across the country so that he wouldn’t have to be reminded of his mistakes or be responsible with the kids. It sounds harsh, but it was ultimately a blessing. I was actually able to afford living in Alabama. Plus my family would be there, and my old pastor was there and offered me a job teaching at the private school for which he served as headmaster. God was lining everything up for me.

Blessings started to flow like I could imagine! I was able to afford to live on my income alone, put my children in a wonderful caring private school, be a teacher, and make new friends that would become family. After a year, God even brought a wonderful man into my life who also loved the Lord. He was a hard worker, knew how to support a family, and knew how to love and care for a woman. He was the man God intended for me, and I finally started to believe that I was worthy. My new husband had also been through a marriage where his spouse was unfaithful. They had two children, and he shared custody 50%. That was a good sign. He cared about his kids and wanted to be involved in their lives more than just every-other-weekend. He was the best step-father to my children, and I loved his children as if they were my own. I got along with his ex-wife, and we never had to deal with my ex-husband.

My husband and I both loved God and were very involved in our church. We served on the music team; he worked with the boys’ program, and I worked in the nursery on Wednesday nights. We wanted to do more, but there was a problem. The church didn’t believe that people who were divorced should be allowed in leadership within the church. We could not serve as worship leaders, despite having more experience and qualifications than the person eventually chosen to be leader. We still kept serving. Eventually I was told that I wasn’t even saved because I didn’t speak in tongues. I didn’t understand this concept. I have been a Christian all my life. I loved God, and I knew He loved me. I just didn’t have the gift of speaking in tongues. We still stayed at the church and chose to serve. Eventually the pastor’s wife let it be known that she hated me, chewed me out publicly, and took every opportunity to make me feel unworthy of being there. I started to feel like that 19-20 year old girl who was less than and underserving of God’s love. It was a church that did that to me this time. It’s unimaginable. I knew that wasn’t truly representative of God’s love for me.

I am so glad that I knew better and realized that churches are full of people. People are sinners and are not perfect. Even in church, things are not perfect. People are people, and they do not dictate who I am. Only God can do that. My husband was concerned for me and finally had enough of this situation as well… especially after the pastor told him that my husband’s missionary parents, who has passed, were not really Christians and were not in heaven because they were Baptist and didn’t speak in tongues. We were done at that point. We were no longer able to be a part of the solution to the problems that the church was having. My absence would eventually help the pastor’s wife have a better attitude and be kinder to others.

Fortunately, neither my husband or I wanted to give up on God. We had some wonderful friends who were very excited to invite us to their church and have us serve on the worship team there. This church, although not a denomination with which I was comfortable at first, became a place of healing and purpose. We were able to serve. We were able to worship. We were able to love on others. We were able to help our children grow and feel that we could be used by God. We were used by God, and we never felt “less-than.” The pastors loved us and encouraged us to be involved in ways we had not previously been in any church. We delved into the doctrine and felt more comfortable. When a worship leader position became available, we were not chosen. It was devastating, and we started to feel bad, like we did at the previous church. We prayed for God’s direction.

Shortly after, one of the pastors called to tell us the reason why we were not chosen for worship leaders. They really felt that my husband was called to be a pastor. This was a calling my husband had felt years earlier but never told me about. We were used to people who were divorced not being allowed to serve in such a manner. This church was different. They sent my husband to pastor education courses, and after he received certification, he became the church’s youth pastor. He soared and came alive with a renewed calling on his life. As a middle and high school teacher, working with youth was natural for me as well, and I led worship for youth services. What a blessing!

After a number of years, the pastors called us into their offices again. There was a small church in the area that needed a part-time local pastor. They really felt my husband would be a good fit. He prayed, met with the denomination’s leaders and our pastors, and he accepted the job. We then found out what an honor this was. This sweet small church of about 25 people at the time was the church that had supported our pastors and sent them to pastor college!

My husband started preaching, but I took a little while to come on board. I did not feel worthy to be a pastor’s wife. I was divorced, had a child out of wedlock, and I was rough around the edges. I dressed a little more casually than church attendees did. The congregation was much older. There were no children. I did not think those people would like or approve of me. Our own children had grown and moved away. I felt so alone… again. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My husband became weary of attending without me and having me at a completely different church. He didn’t guilt-trip me; I was good enough at doing that myself. Eventually there was a need for help with music at my husband’s church. The worship leader there went on sabbatical due to his mother’s death. I let go of my own inhibitions and started to serve at my husband’s church. I was in awe of what an excellent speaker and leader he was.

People who had previously left the church started coming back. The church started to grow. We even got up to 35 in attendance on a regular basis. The worship leader came back, and I stayed and continued to do music with him. The older people in the church were completely different than I thought. They loved me, even though I was rough around the edges. They didn’t say a thing about my casual outfits. They laughed at my jokes and found me refreshing. When I eventually told them about my past, they didn’t bat an eyelash. I even had one lady tell me that she was so glad I shared. She had a similar past but never told anyone because she was afraid of judgement. This is when I realized that my past could be used for God’s glory.

Being a teacher of teenagers, my past helped students find hope after their mistakes with premarital sex. Being divorced but still used by God encouraged people of divorce to find a purpose in ministry. Being rough around the edges encouraged informal people to start attending church. Being stepparents encouraged other blended families to grow together and serve. Our church continued to grow a little bit here and there. Eventually, the worship leader moved, and the church asked me to be the worship leader. I wanted to build a team and started asking more people to come to church (who had previously left the situation we had left when not being allowed to serve). Doing so brought younger people to the church, and even a handful of children. The first generation of people in the church felt revived and knew that the church would not die with them.

My husband and I served at the Downtown Rescue Mission with our previous church and continued to do so after that church moved. Our new church, Parker Chapel became the only church allowed to serve during Covid, and to this day is the only church allowed to bring in musicians instead of just speakers. We have a chapel service once a month on the women’s side and once a month on the men’s side. As a result, our church has grown even more due to its embrace of people graduating the drug and alcohol program at the mission. These graduates serve in various capacities at our church. One is now a deacon. Three serve in the sound booth. One serves by doing the church bulletin each week. Another serves doing church prayer each week, and another prays over the worship team and leads the Apostles Creed.

The church congregation of those who were there first, mostly an older generation, accepted everyone and embraced them. One of those church members even found a way to minister as a recovering alcoholic. Had the men from the mission not started attending, he might never have talked about his past. I thank God every day for the church being so loving and accepting of everyone, no matter what.

Here is my testimony. My past, my mistakes, my low self-worth, all makes me who I am. It makes me approachable. I feel like others find my husband and I approachable and non-judgmental. They are willing to come to us because of our experiences. We talk to people and counsel them about divorce recovery, blended families, God’s love and plans for their lives, and more. God uses our past experiences for His glory. I absolutely can be used by God, no matter what, and I am worthy of His love and attention. So are you. God loves you. God needs you. God can use you, no matter what you have done or where you have been. Listen to Him for a plan for your life. If you need help, let me know. I love to meet with people and help them find a purpose in God’s Kingdom. Because of my past, I am able to help others find their ministries.

My name is Kelly Deiss, and I am the pastor’s wife and worship leader at Parker Chapel. My husband is Pastor Bill Deiss. If you need a place to worship and get involved, please come to Parker Chapel. You will be loved and embraced. No matter what you have done or where you have been, you are welcome here. What’s it like at Parker Chapel? We are a small but mighty church. Regular attendance is around 50 people. We have all ages and all walks of life. We sing hymns and contemporary songs. We dress nicely and casually. We have a nursery and children’s church. You will find smiles all around and a warm welcome. We meet at 10:30 every Sunday. Please come!